It sure has been a while since I’ve done one of these! Throughout the last four years or so, my butt has never touched a potty, even on vacations or going to see my friends or family. And you know what?
I don’t miss it! Nope! Not one bit.
Want to know why?
Because I don’t have to touch something that other peoples’ butts have touched anymore. Who knows what diseases or infections they left on the seat? How many people got poop on their hands and then touched everything in the stall? There are diseases everywhere, and my diapers keep me perfectly safe from exposure to things that may harm me.
I just wish I had realized it sooner.
We are approaching my five year anniversary of this messy diaper challenge! Just to think… five years of no potties and messing exclusively in diapers. I’ve been doing this for so long that messing has become completely normal in every sense of the word.
I got a rug for my balcony so that I can mess my diaper out there in perfect privacy. Since it’s nice and warm out now, I’ll take my morning coffee and relax out there in just some tank top or shirt and my bedwetting diaper. I don't even wear any bottoms over my diaper because I have a thick privacy screen on my railing. I’ll push my butt forward a little bit so there’s room for you know what, and I like to raise my knees as the pressure grows in my tummy. I know what’s coming, and I can do very little to stop it.
What I find funny sometimes is that I don’t want to stop it. I can hold it if I need to, but it’s a real struggle, and I don’t have long to find a safe place to let myself relax. All that hypnosis and conditioning have made it so that I am perfectly content using my diapers for everything.
I realized a while ago that I have stopped paying attention to my body’s signals to poop. In the past, when I felt that pressure down there, I would stop what I was doing and push until I was empty and my diaper was full. All that conditioning, where I stop what I’m doing and push until empty on the first signal that I have to poop, has led my body to learn to poop as soon as it gives me that signal.
Hypnosis has conditioned me to ignore the signals; it feels as if it's barely there sometimes. That combination, along with nearly five years of messing, have made it so that messing comes as a welcome surprise more often than not. I am not completely unaware of what is happening, but it’s become far easier to ignore it and just let it happen. Either my mind goes blissfully blank and my body goes fully relaxed (especially down there!), or I’m so focused on doing something else that it just happens without any input from me.
The anxiety from finding somewhere to poop in public is completely gone, replaced by a sense of calm and peace. Messing feels so reassuring, like Mommy or Daddy holding you close and whispering that it’s okay to let go. Sometimes I really lean into that helpless and comforted feeling. I like to pretend that it’s a struggle to hold it, but when I start thinking of someone else whispering that it’s okay, it’s what diapers are meant for, or that I’ll be so proud of you for letting go… it’s more than enough for me to give in and stop trying to hold it.
After letting my body change and grow accustomed to giving up control little by little over something so intimate and precious… it's amazing. Feeling that dichotomy shift from me feeling the stressful urge to poop to feeling happily empty; what I feel is indescribable. It is such a relief to know that messing is what good girls do, and I know deep down in my heart that I’m a good girl for messing my diapers.
Earlier this year when it was still cold out, I was shopping in one of those fancy outdoor malls and felt the urge. That surprised me, as I had already messed that morning, so I ignored it and thought nothing of it until I felt something press against my hole. I squeezed as hard as I could and went to find a bathroom for my inevitable change, but there were way too many people around for me to just let go and let my diaper handle things.
I imagined someone whispering in my ear that it was okay to let go, that I could end my suffering. I almost gave in then, but there were too many people around for me to feel comfortable messing. There were long lines for the bathroom, so I decided to just head home. On the way back to the parking lot, I kept imagining someone telling me to let go, that my diaper would keep me safe. I couldn’t take the pressure anymore, so I just gave in. I stopped holding it, and I messed my diaper while I walked through the parking lot.
Messing while walking has easily become one of my most favorite ways to do the deed. It’s hard to hold it while walking, and each step lessens my strength to hold it. Not holding it feels far better, you know? Like, why struggle and fight the inevitable? Nobody can hold it forever, much less me. I know that my diapers keep me safe, and I depend on them to be my shield, my protector... my one true love.
My diapers do their job very well, and for that, I am most grateful for the mental health boost and comfort they give me.
I didn’t have a leak or blowout by the time I got home, but I definitely needed a change. I wondered what I could have done differently so that I could have stayed and kept shopping, but this is what I am comfortable with at the moment. Changing a messy diaper in public is hard; I’ve done it before when needed, but a small part of me demanded that I sit in my mess.
This challenge started on July 26, 2021 and ends on May 15, 2027.
Comments
Post a Comment