Sorry for the inactivity on this side blog of mine; I was busy getting a job and then getting laid off because of the “recession” a month after getting hired. It was a decent job but the boss liked to micromanage the hell out of me. Guess I’m back to diaper training people and writing ABDL erotica full time for a while. It sure was nice being able to save some money instead of having all of it go to rent and bills.
As for this messing challenge update, I’ve been playing a game and seeing if I can make it to the potty once I feel the need to poop. Don’t worry, I’m just seeing how long it takes me before I have no choice but to give in and let my diaper get a nice little brown present; I’m not actually using the potty for anything. More often than not, I haven’t been able to make it to the potty, though I haven’t exactly been trying my hardest. It’s just a fun little game I’ve been doing to keep things fresh. I keep doing what I’m doing as I feel a little pressure grow within my bowels and as it nears the point of no return, that’s when I stand up to “try” to make it to the bathroom. Sometimes I’ll allow myself to get distracted by chores before I go try to make it to the bathroom, only sealing my fate to mess my diaper.
Since I’ve been pushing as soon as I think I feel something back there, my body knows that as soon as it finishes making poop that it’s going out ASAP. This gives me very little time now to get to a safe spot; it’s gotten a lot harder to find a safe space to do the deed when I’m out in public. Even though I have more than two years to go before my challenge expires, I feel like I’m at a crossroad: I can keep pushing on and see where this challenge takes me and potentially resulting in conditioning myself to poop whenever and wherever without conscious thought or I can try to retain control over my bowels and see how my control is at the end of the challenge.
As time starts to blur together, I’ve found it more and more difficult to keep myself from pooping and the time it takes before I have to give up and mess myself has been getting a lot lower. I was out by myself getting some dinner last weekend when the waiter was taking too long to bring me the check. They were very busy and they were probably understaffed that night because I didn’t get checked on all that much. My tummy wasn’t feeling the best and as the minutes dragged on, it only got worse. I sipped on some water, hoping it would quell the growing storm but it did nothing to help.
It’s been significantly harder to hold #2 since I gave up my bladder control; I heard those muscles are linked together. I started praying that I wouldn’t have a genuine accident; even with my plastic panties, I didn’t want to face the embarrassment of speaking to someone in public with a loaded diaper but it felt like I was going to have that choice taken away from me by my body. I’ve been wearing plastic panties when I go out in public because having an extra layer of protection against leaks and smells is just comforting.
As the minutes dragged on, I started to get squirmy. I’m glad I went to dinner alone because as I tried my hardest to hold it in after 15+ months of going #2 in my diapers, I felt like I was slowly losing the battle. Once I felt like I had no choice but to find someone else to print my check so I could pay, I got up and walked over to the hostess stand where I had her print out my bill. After I paid, I scurried out of the place and as soon as I rounded the corner into the parking lot, I gave up the fight against my bowels and let my body push a hot load into my diaper. Giving up the fight felt much the same compared to me losing my bladder control years ago; I love that feeling of giving up control to something other than myself. I’m slowly starting to learn that there’s no point in trying to hold it anymore because it’ll always inevitably end up in my diaper. Learning to trust my diapers for something other than my little dribbles was hard yet fun.
I felt such glorious relief as the pressure disappeared; all that pain left my tummy, replaced by a warm, comforting mess in the seat of my diaper. I avoided a couple groups of people as I walked back to my car, feeling the mess spread with each step. At that point, I had a choice to make: I could sit in the mess and endure the long drive home, I could change in my car, or I could go back in and practice changing a messy diaper in public. I had no idea what the bathroom looked like in there so I was hesitant to change my messy diaper in an unfamiliar place; I made a mental note to scope it out next time so I’d know if it’s safe space to change or not. I gingerly sat down in my car and drove home. I’m glad I was able to make it back inside without running into anyone else.
I’m sure many of you are wondering about my progress with the night time messing hypnosis. I stopped using it after a while because I wasn’t making as much progress, instead choosing to switch to another messing hypnosis that’s been helping me mentally adjust to these new big changes in my life. While I haven’t been successful in waking up messy, my messing pattern has shifted a lot, especially with the recent time change. I had not expected to wake up already feeling the pressure back there; I think my body tries to hold on until I wake up because as soon as I wake up, all I want to do is get rid of that pressure in the only way I know how. It’s funny because all I wanna do is go back to sleep. Even in my half-awake state, I still have to make myself relax for my body to do what it wants to do. Sometimes all it needs is a little push and that’s all my body needs to get rid of the pressure back there. I’ve been wearing plastic panties to bed as an added layer of protection; the best part is that I don’t smell a thing as I fill up my soggy diaper.
Walking while pooping is my favorite method of pooping now and normalizes me continuing to do what I was doing without having to stop for a potty break. Messing has become so normal that I no longer feel the mental push to go to the bathroom to poop; I just start pushing once my body says that I need to poo. It was interesting to make that connection; to think that I have successfully rewrote my mind’s defaults for certain actions is exhilarating to say the least. I still have to keep myself in check when I’m in public; I think the hypnosis I’m listening to now is working to convince me that poop belongs in my diapers no matter where I am or what I’m doing.
Good thing I already trust and love my diapers!
Since I just lost my job, any help would be sincerely appreciated. Version 5 of my diaper training guide is 72 pages and 43k words long and is the best tool for training yourself to diaper dependency. You can buy it at https://www.patreon.com/ABDL_Erotica.
If you need more help training, you can join my diaper training Discord server at https://discord.gg/MMwfcSpMjy The free channels are limited, though you can unlock a lot more for $5 or $25 per month (the $25 includes my training guide and full access to the server). If you’d like my premier level of diaper training service, please consider becoming my VIP and join the dark side of diaper dependence; lightsaber not included. =P You can learn all about my program at https://www.patreon.com/DiaperTraining
You can always find me everywhere through https://my.bio/diapertrainingashley
Lastly, anything bought from my wishlist adds more time onto the timer. You can view my wishlist at https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/10MYHI152VZRT/
Here are the current stats:
Challenge Start Date: July 26, 2021
Current Ending Time: February 22, 2025
Total Time: 1310 Days | 43.2 Months | 3.6 years
Total Days Remaining as of Nov 16, 2022: 829 days | 27.6 months | 2.3 years
1: Throw away all of your underwear (but keep your bras if you’re a lady!). This leaves you nothing but diapers to wear as underwear, and as we all know, wearing nothing down there can lead to some irritation. Not good for princess parts! Throwing away all of your undies ensures that you’ll have to wear diapers, and nothing but diapers. If you want to truly commit to this, then do that, or if you’re on the fence about it and want to try it out, stash all of your undies in a backpack or something that you can lock or put a lock on, then give that key to your bestie and have them not give it back until a week, two weeks, a month, or however long you feel like! 1a. Buy a large supply of diapers. I chose to go with the Abena M4 for starters, and have kept with it all the way through. For when you start dribbling (see below!), you can switch to a thinner diaper, like the cloth backed Abena M2. For lighter days, I’ve found that tena makes some decent diapers, same with Tranquility/Select...
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