Messing has become so normal that it’s something I do without giving it much thought until I need to change. I think my body is just so used to using my diapers since I wear them literally all the time. Because of that, as soon as I feel that familiar pressure in my bowels, I get to keep doing what I’m doing until I feel it pressing against my hole, telling me that it’s going to come out no matter what; it’s only a matter of time. At that point, I let go and never clench. Sometimes I’ll give it a little push to get things started, but usually I don’t have to. I don’t want to deal with that uncomfortable pressure that I feel when I need to go poo poo. It’s just better to give in and push it all out into my diaper. Would you rather deal with holding onto all that pressure and let yourself feel uncomfortable? Nah, of course you wouldn’t. That’s what diapers are designed for: to give us relief and a safe space for our body’s wastes.
I really love messing while walking like that one person suggested a while ago. I know my diapers keep me protected so I just have nothing to worry about. The leak guards stand tall, there’s room for my poo, and I’ve had so much practice messing my diapers that it’s something that just happens, like breathing or blinking. Letting my poo slide out into my warm, welcoming diaper while walking just feels so incredibly and devilishly kinky that it’s quickly becoming my favorite way of doing the deed, even if it does create a larger mess to deal with. I do still enjoy squatting and changing then and there when I really don’t want to deal with the mess, but when I have some time, I prefer walking while messing. Sometimes I pretend like I’m too busy to deal with pooping, letting myself stay busy while I’m pooping while I pay it literally no mind at all. Then I’m usually like, “Oh my god, who just used my diaper? Cuz I sure as shit just didn’t!” I like making poo jokes hehe. Keeps life fresh and different from the norm, ya know?
To this day, I have not once used the potty for pooping for this challenge, not even in public or at a friend’s house. I’ve gotten so good at making sure I’m empty before I go anywhere that I don’t really have anything to fear. Sure, there have been those times that I’ve talked about where the urge just comes out of nowhere, even if I’ve already made my morning mess, but those are happening less and less, thankfully. I have a routine that works for me if I do happen to have an urge in public. Part of me wants to hold it in, but that’s always been a losing battle, one that I lose faster and faster as time goes on. The other part of me wants to stop what I’m doing no matter what, squat down, and push it all out into my diaper just to get it over with, even if I’m not at home. I’ve done that a few times when I was in a kinky headspace when out in public, but never ever ever around people. I don’t want anyone smelling me like that. All it takes is a few seconds when your poo is ready to go. All I need to do is squat down and push, letting all that pressure disappear into my diaper.
Thanks to the contributions of those who have sent me diapers, I’ve been able to live out this experiment of mine without too much of a financial burden. Sometimes it feels surreal that I’m doing this, but it’s been something I’ve fantasized about for a while. Just like me wanting to be dependent on diapers and making it happen, so too am I now giving messing full time more than a chance. I’ve made it my reality, one that I’m sure a lot of you want to live as well. At the end of the day, the only person that’s making you stop is yourself. You’re in your own way to happiness. Even if you just want to become dependent on diapers for loss of bladder control, you can do it if you just try! If you’re in a good spot in life, maybe giving messing your diapers a solid shot wouldn’t be a bad idea, either. I know it’s not for everyone, but it’s what diapers were designed for: holding everything your body makes. They’re strong, soft, and more than capable of handling your needs for a while until it needs changing.
Stop holding yourself back and let yourself be happy.
I started this challenge 190 days ago. That’s just over six whole freaking months! At the time of this posting, March 18th of 2023 will be the end date for this challenge. Do you think I won’t have any control by then? I think I’ll definitely have a lesser amount of control by then, but that’s still well over a full year away. Six months has made it so easy to mess my diapers; I can’t wait to see how I’ll be feeling after another six months.
As I’m sure you might know by this point, messing my diapers all the time adds more of a financial load on my back and I wouldn’t have been able to get this far without your donations of diapers and other related supplies. I’m truly grateful for those of you who have kept me padded and I hope to keep making content like these journals often. The more diapers I receive, the more updates I can write!
There is one thing that I’d love to have; it’s that electric enema device that’s at the top of my wishlist. Sometimes when I go out with friends or run some errands and I haven’t made any messes that day, I feel uncertain about going out because I might have to mess. It’s happened before. Since I can’t use any potty for the next year or so, I can’t use any public bathrooms meaning that I have to use my diaper for messing in public. When I want to do it, it’s fun, but when I’m forced to do it against my will, it’s not fun, and having an electric enema would allow me to clean myself out quickly and ensure that I will have nothing to put in my diaper in public for those situations where I literally cannot afford to let that happen. And yes, all the enema water and all it carries out with it will go right into my diaper. Have you ever tried letting an enema out into your diaper? It’s really quite pleasurable.
Anything and everything helps keep me diapered, so if you’d be an angel and help keep me diapered I sure would appreciate it!
My wishlist: https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/10MYHI152VZRT/
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